This is my rage post. I am hitting the keys on my computer as if my fingers are prize fighters trying to land the knock-out punch. OMG. I am SO angry.
And I know why I am angry. It comes in three parts. 1) What happened 2) Why I wasn’t ready 3) What I’m doing now
But there is a fourth part, too, and that’s why I think that writing about it could help YOU!
So here’s the sitch.
What happened
This morning I had a fight with my child over something silly. I did something nice for them while they were sleeping, and they didn’t believe I had done it (they didn’t fully wake up) so they yelled at me that I had not, in fact, done what I knew I had done.
Now, as most mothers of tweens know, being disrespected is part of the job description. (Note: I DO expect my kids to treat me with respect, but I am 100% NOT going to try to make that happen when we are both beyond pissed. We will revisit it later when we are both more rational.)
Anyway, I did my best to avoid saying anything I’d regret later, and instead vented to my husband.
Why I wasn’t ready
It’s been a rough winter. Like R-O-U-G-H. A member of the family has been struggling with serious health issues, and we’ve just been trying to keep it together and support that person. Plus keep track of daily life for the other members of the family. Plus keep up with appointments with counselors, doctors, and so on. Plus deal with all the extra needs of my students after 2 years of a global pandemic.
And my partner was traveling for business all last week. We thought about having him cancel the trip, but it was truly important and came at a critical time for the start-up he works for. Plus, things had been improving over the past couple of weeks.
And overall, things went well while he was away. But all week long, I had been focusing on my own emotional control. – reining myself in at school, at home, everywhere. Trying to be what everyone needed me to be. And I had done a really great job.
So my tank was empty. Like, super, super, empty. I had reached the limits of my emotional control. And this morning, I just lost it. (Not at my kid, but yeah, later with my partner.)
What I’m doing now
I’m sitting in a café, looking out the window, eating a cinnamon roll and drinking a mocha latte. And typing. Because writing is what heals me.
When I was able to, I left. Not (too) meanly, or grumpily, but yeah, a little. Because I need to get ME back. For the past 3 months or so, I have been putting ME on hold. And you know what? I’m cool with that. I’m actually a little proud of it. Because my family and my students needed me. And I stepped up.
But I also need to pay attention to me. And when I burst into tears this morning, and didn’t even raise my arms to hug my partner back, I knew I had overdrawn my own emotional bank account. I needed to put something back.
The kitchen isn’t going to get cleaned today. The laundry won’t get finished. But I am going to sit here and type until my fingers hurt, and then take the train to along the fjord and walk around Sandness (the next big-ish town) in the sunlight.
And I’m not going home until I feel like it. Then, if I’m not feeling any better, I might do something similar tomorrow.
Because, Lordy, I need it.
And then I’m going to go back and be a rock for my family and my students again. And I’ll BE ABLE TO because I listened to my own needs and took care of me.
Why it matters to you
Teaching requires tremendous emotional control. Like, probably more sustained patience than any other paid job in the world. If you are a mother, congrats! You also have a home life that requires a tremendous emotional control. Not to mention the sheer number of demands that both teaching and mothering entail. Planning, organizing, motivating, accommodating, and about a million other tasks.
And (don’t take this personally or anything) You. Are. Human.
I know, I know. We’re not supposed to be. Society expects both mothers and teachers to be perfect. But (again, don’t take this personally) we are not. We are humans. Perhaps a lot MORE human than “ordinary” people because we have such caring hearts. And when we can’t fix something, or someone believes we did something wrong, it hurts – a lot.
It is essential for us to listen when our emotions tell us that we have had enough, and to get away. Or get with friends. Or get in our bed and not let anyone disturb us for an entire day. Whatever you need and can manage.
If you already have time for yourself build in, and you are honoring that commitment to yourself, massive kudos to you. You can quit reading now. You’ve already got the idea.
But if there is a little voice in the back of your mind whispering, “But…”, then please continue. This is for you.
Whatever your “but” may be – “But I’m a single mom,” “But I have so much to do,” “But I can’t afford it,” I want you to give some thought to whether that is really a reason or an excuse for not tending to your own needs. Like, if you got a call that your kid was in an accident, you’d find a way to get there, even if they were 3 states away.
Tending to our own needs often doesn’t feel urgent, so we ignore it. But that’s when teachers (and parents) snap and do something that gets them in trouble at work, or damages a relationship at home.
I know it’s hard. We keep telling ourselves we can hang on just a little longer. And sometimes, there is something you just have to get through. I get it. Notice, I didn’t leave my kids home alone while my husband was out of town. But when I knew I had pushed myself as much as was safe, and it was possible to take some time out, I didn’t KEEP pushing myself. Even though I did want a clean kitchen and finished laundry.
Now, an hour into writing, my fingers are no longer prize fighters. They’re gentle, but purposeful. Focused. Happily energetic. And when I get home later today, I’m going to hug my husband, and tell my kid that she is more important than any silly argument. And I’ll actually mean it!
If one thing has become clear over the past 2+ years, it is that a teacher without healthy boundaries is on a fast track to burnout or mental breakdown. But it’s not always easy for us to set boundaries. I mean, how do you set boundaries when all of society expects teachers to give every shred of themselves for the job? And what about the fact that even when we try to set boundaries, we meet with resistance or pushback. Or worse, the dreaded TEACHER GUILT?
Well, part of the reason that boundaries can be so difficult is that there are a number of myths and misunderstandings about boundaries. And if we want to actually be successful at setting healthy boundaries – instead of merely beating ourselves up for not having them, we’ll need to replace them with more accurate boundary paradigms.
Myth #4 – You are either good at setting Healthy boundaries or you’re not
For some reason, people seem to think setting boundaries is a toggle switch: either you can or you can’t. Either you do or you don’t. That’s like thinking that writing or math or swimming or dance is a toggle switch and you either can or you can’t. Sounds ridiculous, right?
Like all of those activities, setting healthy boundaries is a skill. A skill that takes practice, and a skill that has a variety of levels of ability.
No one would ever “decide” that they were going to get better at writing or dance and then be puzzled when the next time they tried they weren’t automatically brilliant just because they “decided” to be.
They would realize that they were going to have to practice, and learn, and practice some more. And then after practicing – and messing up – repeatedly, they would slowly improve.
Setting boundaries is the same way. It takes practice. It takes messing up and trying again. If we try a couple of times and then tell ourselves “Well, I tried, but I’m just not good at it,” we’re shortchanging ourselves just as much as that kid who tries a math worksheet and then throws down his pencil in frustration, yelling, “I’ll NEVER be good at math!” It’s not true for him, and it’s not true for us, either.
How to fix it
Just like that kiddo, we need to understand that learning a new skill is a process, and celebrate even minor victories. You agreed to be on the committee, but NOT to be responsible for taking notes? WAY TO GO! You’re still checking school email after hours, but limit it to two times per evening? SUPER!
Talk to yourself like you do your students who struggle, and you’re a lot more likely to stick with it – AND improve in major ways.
Myth #3 – Setting healthy boundaries is an easy, comfortable process
We’ve just mentioned how boundary setting is a skill, like dancing or football or any other sport. When you start practicing a sport, you often experience some discomfort, often in the form of sore muscles. In the same way, you might experience some discomfort when learning to set healthy boundaries. It will take a while to say things in a way that you feel comfortable, and you will probably feel awkward.
That doesn’t mean that you aren’t good at it or that you should stop trying. It just means that you are pushing yourself emotionally. With time, you’ll strengthen those “boundary muscles” just like if you were swimming, you’d strengthen physical muscles.
How to Fix it
In short, push through. Don’t give up just because you feel uncomfortable or awkward. Acknowledge that it is part of the process of learning and growing, and just keep trying, even when you don’t feel like it.
Myth #2: If other people don’t like your boundaries, you’ve done something wrong
If you are the go-to person for last-minute proofing or for creating a fun game for the team to use or for covering someone else’s duty, you might get some pushback the first few times you say no. That doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. It means that you are asking someone to change the way they relate to you, and some people don’t really like change. Especially when it means that you will no longer be making their life easier in some way that makes your own life harder.
Let’s say that you have always responded to parent emails almost immediately, but decide that you will only respond during school hours. You send out a notice that because of the impact after-hours are having on your personal time, you will be responding to emails only between the hours of X:00 AND X:00. You will probably have some parents who are grumpy when you don’t shoot back a response.
That doesn’t mean the boundary isn’t worth having or that you have made a mistake. It is a predictable part of setting boundaries. Have a ready response and stick to it.
Also, when people realize that you are going to stick to your boundaries, they tend to accept it. Remember, boundaries teach other people how to treat you, and it might take a while for them to re-learn how you expect to be treated. But it doesn’t mean they can’t learn, it just means that it will take time.
How to Fix it
Expect and prepare for pushback. Explain calmly and rationally why you have changed your policy. (If you choose to.) Then hold your boundary and press on.
Let me give you an example of a boundary I’m still working on. My beloved kids don’t do as much work around the house as I would like. A few years ago, I decided it had to change. I moved my boundaries, and gave each of them a job that had to be completed on Saturday. You would have thought I was asking them to move the Pyramid of Giza stone by stone to the other side of the world. But after about 2 months of weekly complaints and frothing at the mouth, they realized that this was how it was going to be. Now it’s no big deal, just a part of normal life.
I have since added other responsibilities to what I expect of them, and we follow the same pattern each time. Complaints, grumping, and general unhappiness for a while, and then they re-learn that boundary. And for the record, I’m still not happy with my boundaries in relationship to the proportion of housework Mom and Dad do vs. how much the kids do. But just like I encouraged you to do, I’m trying not to beat myself up about it. Instead of telling myself that I’m a terrible mom and my kids will never learn responsibility and it’s all my fault (which I totally WOULD have done a few years ago!), I’m trying to celebrate the progress we have made, and continue to work toward my ideal.
You might have noticed that we are at myth #2. There is one myth about healthy boundaries that is SO ingrained, SO prevalent, and SO damaging, that it needs to be tackled on its own. Check in next week to see what it is. You might have a pretty good idea already, if you give it some thought.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about crafting an escape plan, but as I looked over it, I realized it was a bird’s-eye-view kind of post. Good info, but very “big picture.” Today, we’re going to focus more on the details of getting out of teaching and into another career.
Do your research
Once you have figured out what job titles you are interested in, research what qualifications companies are listing for that position. (Quick reminder: You do NOT need to have 100% of the qualifications to apply. Many people advise that you apply if you possess 60-70% of the desired “required” qualification.”) Often, you’ll see skills that you already have, but that don’t show up in your resume, partly because it just comes so naturally to you.
Look, I know teachers can design curriculum, and you know teacher can design curriculum. But sometimes there’s got to be a line on your resume that states you can design curriculum. So as Natalie Merchant says, “Hey, give ‘em what they want.”
You have a couple of options here. First, you can re-work your resume to make those skills more obvious. For example, add a line that states, “Designed and implemented a complete physical education curriculum for grades 1-6, with a focus on age-appropriate activities and reinforcing and re-entered previously-acquired skills.” Obviously, you’ll need to tailor it to your specific situation, but ensure that the words “design curriculum” are on the resume.
Second, you can fill that gap with volunteer, contract, or part-time work. For example, if you keep seeing “supervisory experience” as a required qualification, you can either make it clear that in supervising your classroom you demonstrated the necessary skills: providing feedback, monitoring progress, assessing work, etc. Or, you could ensure that summer and volunteer activities include a supervisory component. Which brings us to our next point.
Build your resume and make $$
When I am considering which job postings to share in my weekly newsletter, I love to include contract or part-time opportunities that provide a specific job title. If you want to go into corporate training, your resume will look stronger if you have at least some experience teaching adult learners. Volunteer work counts, but if you can build the emergency fund up a bit WHILE you are building your resume, that’s even better, IMO.
And in case you are thinking, “How can I even consider doing anything outside of what is required at school? I can barely manage now!” I understand. Keep reading.
Limit your teaching hours
This one is tough for so many of us, but I just keep hammering on it. You are paid to do a job. Do the job. Then stop. If they require more, respectfully list the items on your to-do list that THEY are requiring, and ask which you should de-prioritize.
For decades, teachers have sacrificed their personal time to create engaging lessons (that are often not appreciated), provide meaningful feedback (which recent studies show doesn’t significantly improve student outcomes) and do all sorts of “above and beyond” work. I was cool with that for a while, but when the commitment is all going one direction (from teachers to the system) and never the other way, it becomes an unhealthy relationship. Start distancing yourself now. Do your job, and protect your personal time.
Be open to pivots
I have now started 3 different businesses. One of the maxims of the small business community is “You don’t have to get it RIGHT; you just have to get it GOING.”
In other words, no matter how much research you do, there are certain things you can learn only by taking action. For example, I originally thought I wanted to run Classroom to Home 5 days a week and quit teaching. But I realized that I missed teaching horribly, and wasn’t as happy when I sat in front of a computer all day. Even though I love this blog/business, I still need time in front of a classroom to be truly happy. There is no amount of research that would have told me that, because I could only learn that by trying it.
You may be convinced that you want to be a corporate trainer or a real estate agent, only to realize once you get into that position that it isn’t what you thought it would be. That doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It means you learned something. As Chandler from Friends says, “PIVOT!!!!!!” And don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s 100% part of the process.
Network in person and online
Get in touch with people you haven’t talked to in a long time. No, I don’t mean in a creepy way, as if you are selling something. But all those people that you have been thinking, “Wow, I miss so-and-so. I need to shoot them an email,” and then you get busy and don’t. Well, do!
Ask them how they are. Remind them of a memory you have together. But again, do it because you genuinely like and miss them, not because you want to gain something.
I once interviewed with a woman that I really clicked with. Unfortunately, because of a change in my personal situation, I had to turn down the job offer when it turned out I would not be moving to that city after all. But during the next 3-4 years, I would drop her a quick line every year or so when something in my classroom made me think of her. By chance, I DID move there a few years later, and she had a position open. Martha Finneran was one of my best bosses ever, and even became a dear personal friend. Come to think of it, I need to give her a call!
Believe in yourself
I am currently listening to Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo, who I just adore BTW. If you ever need a pick-me-up, you’ve got to check her out! One of the things she hammers home is “The Magic of Belief” which also happens to be the title of chapter 3. And I am 100% with her on this one.
As teachers, we see this all the time in our kids. There are some who just don’t believe they will ever be any good at ________ (math, writing, art, sports, whatever!). And as a teacher, it is really hard to help them with the skills until they have the belief that they can do it.
Guess what! We are the same way.
But overcoming those negative perceptions of ourselves is harder for some people than for others. I am an adoptive mom, and I know that early experiences can make it super hard for some people to trust themselves – to believe that they are good and capable and worthy. But I’m going to tell you right now that I believe so much in you! Honestly, even though I don’t know you. Because I have never met anyone who didn’t have a superpower, and I know you do, too.
Here is a trick that helped me when I was struggling so much with my self-image. I decided what I “wanted” to be that I didn’t believe I was. Then, as I was falling asleep every night, I told myself again and again that I was that. For example, I might repeat to myself, “I am a patient and intuitive mom who trusts herself and her children.” Or, “I am an excellent test-taker. I just seem to get all of the answers right.” One simple sentence, and I would repeat it 100 times.
It sounds so goofy, but your brain doesn’t know the difference between these manufactured thoughts and your “real” thoughts about your abilities. Every single time I do this, within about a week, I notice a change in my confidence level.
So whether you are looking to change careers ASAP or 5 years from now, you will feel better and get farther by implementing these strategies. What do you think? Did I miss any? Let me know!
Any major life change can bring up self-doubt and fears, but leaving teaching can be especially challenging, especially if it’s the only career, you have ever known, perhaps the only one you ever dreamed of.
Uncertainty can be overwhelming at times. What if I miss teaching? What if I hate my new position? What if no one will hire me? What about insurance? Will my kids be sad that I can’t spend the whole summer with them anymore?
Our Big worry: What if I regret it?
That last question is, I think, at the heart of all the others. What if I take this huge, scary step, and then realize that I liked my life better the way it was before? In all honesty, I think it is sometimes the feeling of regret that we worry about more than anything else. What if I realize I made a mistake? What if I feel stupid?
It’s an understandable fear, isn’t it? We have a ton of proverbs and aphorisms that tell us to stay where we are. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” Out of the frying pan, into the fire.” “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
But never taking a chance is also a path to a ho-hum (or worse) life. And that’s not what you want, nor what I want for you.
If you are thinking about leaving teaching (or have already decided you need to), but are still plagued by these worries, I want to share a couple of guidelines with you that helped me stop worrying, and even better, kept me from regretting any well-informed decision I have made.
#1 I will make the best decision I can with the information I have now, and I will not expect myself to know the future.
Let me tell you a little story. As you know, we moved to Norway in 2019, and our kids were a huge reason why. We love the fact that our kids have more freedom, more safety, and less pressure in school (no standardized tests!) than we could have dreamed of in the US. We love the fact that as long as they live here, they will never, ever go bankrupt trying to pay for a medical procedure or have to choose between paying the rent and buying necessary medication. We love the fact that even if they don’t go to college, they can earn a living wage and have a good life. So it’s fair to say that we are pretty happy with the choice we made.
For the record, we didn’t rush into the decision, either. We spent over 2 years planning, researching, talking, and preparing. At one point, I could probably tell you more about apartment availability and food prices in Oslo than anyone who hadn’t lived there!
But you can’t research the future. So when Putin invaded Ukraine, and I was running around looking for iodine tablets for the kids in case – well, you know – I could have had an absolutely huge meltdown/guilt trip/beat up on myself extravaganza.
I’m going to be honest, decisions don’t get a lot more serious than that. Did I move to Norway trying to give my kids a better life, only to put them in proximity to a nuclear disaster? I don’t know. No one does. No one knows what will happen in the next year or two or ten.
You don’t know the problems that would have come from the decision you don’t take
But I also don’t know what would have happened if we had stayed in the US. Would one of the kids been injured or killed in a car wreck? (Traffic fatalities are exceedingly rare in Norway.) Would my daughter have had to learn not to make eye contact with men because they might catcall her? Would my child with test anxiety have spent their school years in a state of “quiet desperation” trying to pass state tests and compete for a place at a top university?
I don’t know. I don’t know how any of this will turn out. But I do know one thing: my partner and I made the best decision I could with the information I had at that time. And it was a LOT of information.
Knowing that, I’m going to be gentle with my present and former self. I’m not going to let myself – or anyone else – make me regret making the best decision I could with the information I had.
Even if the day should come when we do, indeed, need to leave Norway for safety or other reasons, I will always honor myself and the decision I made.
What does that do?
What that does is actually massive. It frees you from guilt and regret. As long as you have done your research and acted on it reasonably (Please note: we would NOT have moved to Ukraine in the middle of a war. That would not have been prudent!), you don’t have to feel bad. You shouldn’t feel bad.
Honor yourself and the decision you made with the information you had, knowing you made the best decision you could at the time.
#2 I will pursue this course of action until it no longer makes sense to do so.
This part came from one of my absolute favorite business coaches, Bevin Ferrand. If you have never heard of her, I highly recommend her “Take the Damn Chance” FB group. So good!
But here is the genius in guideline #2. You don’t HAVE to continue just because you have started. Now, granted, there are points at which it is a LOT easier to put on the breaks than others, and I highly recommend listening to your gut here. (I know a woman who cried herself to sleep the night before she got married. She knew it wasn’t going to work out, but she couldn’t back out because everything was arranged and paid for. Please. Don’t. Do. That.)
Let’s say you turn in your letter of resignation. You search for jobs outside of education – no luck. You have already crunched the numbers and know exactly how much you need to make each month. You can make that working part-time at Starbucks, so you start there. But you don’t love it. You miss teaching. There is no law that says you can’t apply for teaching jobs again, possibly at your former school, and possibly at a different district.
This is coming from a teacher who not once, but twice returned to a former school. So I know that of which I speak! But that’s another story.
So let’s say you leave teaching and you miss it horribly. There is nothing that says you can’t go back. True, it can be more difficult as you earn more. Schools don’t like to hire expensive teachers. But there is also a “teacher shortage” of epic proportions, so use it to your advantage.
The bottom line is, almost no decision is truly final. In most cases, you can pivot more easily than you think, especially if you can be flexible. And goodness knows, if the past two years have taught us anything, it’s to be flexible.
There you have it folks, two ideas that will help you manage your transition trepidation.
As I write this, my heart is so heavy. The news of the Texas tragedy is fresh, and I feel broken for the many teachers who have decided that they have to leave the toxic environment that is education in the US in 2022.
I hope this isn’t you. I hope you feel loved and valued and enlivened by your job.
But for those whose future is outside the classroom, let’s talk plans.
For the record, before we moved to Norway in 2019, we spent 2+ years planning, researching, and saving. And while we didn’t foresee every hiccup, we did a darn good job and landed quite firmly on our feet.
Part 1 – Mindsets
Before we start on the tactics, remember that mindset matter tremendously in how well you will manage the transition.
Let yourself feel the feels.
I don’t know about you, but for me teaching brings me alive. It is all I really wanted to do for a career.
I think of my grandma who talked about her 5th grade classroom more and more as she aged. It was clearly her “happy place.” She remembered students’ names and the funny things they said. She told me more times than I can count how she could get a pound of bologna, a loaf of bread, and half a gallon of milk for some small amount, and she would feed all the the kids in her classroom who didn’t bring a lunch. This was during the Great Depression, and to her dying day, she declared with pride, “No kid ever went hungry in MY classroom!”
Now, if teaching is simply a job to you, there is NO SHAME in that. But if, like grandma, it is something you treasure, you will grieve. In leaving teaching, you are losing something you love, something that makes you who you are.
Give yourself permission to be angry, sad, disgusted, whatever. Please try not to judge whatever emotions you feel, because they are real. Yes, of course, at some point we have to move on, but we also have to acknowledge the loss.
Define yourself by “I am the type of person who…” instead of a job description.
Recently, I finished Atomic Habits by James Clear, and one of the huge take-aways was that people who define themselves as “the type of person who” are often able to transition more easily than people who identify themselves with a job title.
Think about what makes you a great teacher, and start identifying yourself with those characteristics, instead of merely as a “teacher.” For example, I am the type of person who cares about vulnerable people, who stands up for justice, and who sees the good in others. All of those characteristics come out when I am teaching, but they also come out through this blog. It’s not a mistake that I spend so much time uplifting teachers, cheering them on, and encouraging them to set healthy boundaries.
So, yes you may be a teacher, but what characteristics make you a great one?
Bonus points: Giving some serious thought to what characteristics are important to you can also help you home in on careers that you’ll love.
OK, now that we’ve talked a bit about some important mindsets, let get to action steps.
Part 2 – Action steps
Read your contract.
Before you do anything else, please read your contract. Contracts contain so many pieces of vital information, and yet very few of us actually read them. Specific points to look for include
*procedures and consequences for resigning mid-year
*required work hours
*whether sick days are paid out or just lost
*unpaid leave options (in case you’d like to take a year’s leave instead of actually resigning)
*required activities out of school.
Even if you are not planning to leave immediately, knowing what is in your contract can save you time and heartache. One teacher I know of had been tutoring after school for an hour a week, as had her co-workers, for years. They didn’t like it, but their principal told them it was in the contract. When one of them actually read the contract, surprise, it was NOT in there anywhere, and they had been taken advantage of all that time.
You’ll also want to be very aware of whether there are consequences to quitting mid-year. In some places, you simply have to give 30 days’ notice. In others, your corporation can hold your license or even fine you thousands of dollars. NOT something you want to find out after you’ve accepted another job in October.
Consider your leave teaching timeline and next steps.
Before you make any plans, it’s important to know your ideal timeline. It doesn’t have to be exact, but you do need to know whether you are measuring your time in the classroom in weeks, months, or years.
Now simply knowing your ideal timeline doesn’t mean you will be able to leave on that timeline, but it can help you to make solid decisions that will get you closer to that goal.
Knowing whether you plan to start another career, start a business, or retire can be a major influence on your timeline, as well. Job searches often take longer than we estimate. One estimate says that for every $10K in salary, you should allow a month of job searching. And after starting 4 businesses, I can attest that it almost always takes longer than you think to begin earning significant income. I’m all about entrepreneurship, but it’s probably not going to replace your teaching salary for the first couple of years.
Face your finances.
Money is a source of stress for a lot of people, and that makes it harder to delve into. But this step is absolutely essential, no matter what route you plan to take after teaching. If you plan to retire, start a business, or stay home with young kids, you obviously need to make sure you have a solid plan in place. But even if you plan to switch careers, it’s a good idea to know how much you HAVE to earn, in addition to how much you WANT to earn.
In my weekly newsletter, I recently shared a job posting for an Education Specialist at the National Radio Astronomy Observatory. It didn’t list a salary, but with an amazing job like that, I’ll bet it wasn’t too impressive. What if that was your dream job, but it meant a pay cut? You’ll want to know whether it is an option or whether a pay cut is out of the question.
What I mean by facing your finances is knowing how much it takes to pay for essentials each month, as well as how much you usually spend. What’s more, if you are eager to get out of teaching, stronger finances translate into better options. If you have significant savings or lower fixed expenses, you can take a few more risks and maybe even consider leaving before you have a job lined up if your mental health is suffering.
Our Money Master spreadsheet can help you try out various scenarios. By plugging in the numbers, you can see how extra income, lower expenses or more savings will impact your “leave by” date.
Find a support system and resources.
Major life changes take an emotional toll, and there are going to be days you need a group of people who “get it.” There are a ton of FB groups for teachers who want to leave teaching. Of course, my favorite is the Classroom to Home Leave Teaching group. But they all have their own style and personality, and you should choose one that feels right to you.
Podcasts, blogs, and other social media can also be great resources when you’re feeling discouraged. Have a list of favorites that will help pull you out of a funk, because you’ll have some rough days.
Improve your work/live balance by setting boundaries.
I hate to say this, but it needs to be said. A lot of teachers are in completely toxic and emotionally abusive environments. What they do will never be enough. And just like any other toxic relationships, you have to protect yourself.
If you’ve already read your contract, you’ll know what is actually required. It will take some practice but begin saying “no” to extra duties and committees. You’ll need the time to do a decent job search or devote to building your business income.
Also, stop striving for the optimal lesson and go for the streamlined lesson. I know I’m going to get pushback on this, but please hear me out. When you are the only one who cares about the extra hours you spend and NO amount of extra work will ever finish everything, it is time to prioritize yourself. Angela Watson is the master here, and you’ll want to check out her blog for specific tips on cutting the hours you spend on schoolwork while still running an effective classroom.
Here are some quick suggestions, though.
Take fewer grades.
Give more multiple-choice tests.
Have kids trade and grade.
Give them time to read in class.
And focus on building routines that will make your life easier.
For the love of Pete, use some class time to do paperwork, even if it means letting the kids watch an educational video for a while.
Most importantly, get out the duct tape and use it to shut up that little voice in your head that says you should be doing more, or better, or different. You are enough. Your teaching is enough. And you deserve to have free time.
Those are my top tips for crafting an exit plan, but I know there are lots of other things I could have mentioned. Next week, we’ll take a closer look at the details of building a plan. What are your favorite tips for managing a major life transition?
“I don’t want to be rich if it means I can’t spend time with my family and friends.”
“Money will change you.”
How many of us have grown up hearing exactly those phrases repeated over and over? It’s almost like money is – well – something to be avoided. Seriously, if something is the root of all evil, keeps you from being with family and friends, and will change you, well that’s something I want to seriously avoid.
Money Makes you more of what you are
Luckily, I didn’t hear any of these things growing up, and I don’t believe any of them. On the contrary, I believe that money – like power – often makes people a more extreme version of what they already are, and the reason is related to that very first quote, which, by the way, is incomplete.
The actual quote is, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” And if you want to check that for yourself, just go to 1 Timothy 6:20 in the Bible.
Now that might seem like quibbling over a few little words, but those words change the entire meaning of the quote. It’s not money that is evil, it’s loving money.
My absolute favorite money quote of all time is “Love people and use money, never the other way around.”
In other words, as long as money is a TOOL, not a goal in and of itself, money is a really great thing. Money can do all sorts of good. It can help people who are starving or sick to get life-saving nutrition and medical care. It can allow a family to make life-long memories together. It can provide safe and secure housing. It can provide help for elderly parents who can’t do it all on their own anymore. Shoot, it can even buy you a really cute outfit that makes you feel like you can take on the world!
How to use money and love people
As long as we LOVE people and USE money to benefit people (especially those who are vulnerable), money can be a truly great thing. It’s when we start to LOVE money and USE people to amass more of it, without regard for their human dignity that money becomes a curse.
I’m looking at you, sweatshop owners. I’m looking at you, internet scammers. I’m looking at you, business owners who maximize profits by refusing to pay a living wage. I’m looking at you, billionaires who think it’s more important to send rich tourists to space than to ensure that every child is nourished.
But when we love people and use money, amazing things happen. It can happen when we donate to charity. Children in Guatemala who are trapped in a cycle of poverty can get an education. People without permanent shelter can regain their human dignity with a fixed residence. Families can be healed from the scourge of domestic violence. The earth can be healed from environmental damage.
But money can also make a difference in our own lives, and it’s not evil to have enough money to make our own lives better. Why? So we can pay for counseling to heal past trauma. So we can quit an unfulfilling 2nd job to spend quality time with our kids. So we can travel and be transformed by the wonders of this earth. So we can sleep at night without worrying. Shoot, so we can do something good for ourselves, just because.
Money is freedom to choose your life
In 2019, my partner and I packed up our 3 kids, the family dog, and a significant portion of our worldly possessions, and moved to Norway. Waiting for us was a small basement apartment, some of the highest prices in the world, and no income. Absolutely none.
Almost 3 years in, we agree it is one of the best decisions we could have made for our family. More freedom for the kids. A healthier lifestyle. Better work/life balance. The list goes on.
But we would never have been able to make the move if we hadn’t had the money to pay for a fairly expensive relocation and to cover our expenses until we found jobs.
And that’s why my mission today is to help other teachers become Money Masters. Because although money can’t buy happiness, it can buy options and freedom. And those two things go a long way toward preventing misery.
But I get it. Deeply rooted beliefs don’t just go away because you want them to. We can’t really “logic” away mindsets that we’ve held for years, perhaps without even realizing it. So this is what I’m going to do. Over the next few months, I’m going to create a series about all the reasons teachers SHOULD be money masters, in other words why they should have control of their money, have lots of money, and use it for good.
