Mediocre white man vs. Superstar woman – who has more confidence?
I’ve teased my husband that I’m going to buy a tee shirt that says “Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man.” Now, I’m totally NOT into stereotypes, so let me start by saying that I’ve got nothing against all white men. However, I’ve dated several guys (and had conversations with a ton more) who absolutely drove me crazy because they were sure that they were smarter, hotter, and more athletic than they actually were. In other words, they had a supersized opinion of their own abilities.
This is purely anecdotal, but I find the opposite to be true of most of the women I meet. (Again, both of these are generalizations, and there are lots of exceptions to the rule.) We often downplay our successes, second-guess our ideas, and allow criticism of our thoughts without defending them as vehemently as we could. The same goes for our products. I’ve talked to a lot of women who say, “But I can’t charge that.” “Who would pay me that?” or the ever-popular, “I’m doing what I love, so I don’t need to charge that much.” Hold on right there, sister. If you are providing a quality product or service, you deserve to make money. It’s not selfish; it’s capitalism.
Take my money – PLEASE
So let me give you an example. Our family went through a really dark time a few years ago when one of our kids started having some serious behavioral problems. It was bad. I actually remember thinking, “Oh, my God. We have got to get help. I don’t want to be on the evening news in a few years because my child has gotten a gun and shot me, but that’s the direction we’re headed.” I was more scared and panicked than I had ever even imagined being.
Enter our therapist. She specialized in the issue our child was having. Suddenly, I was thinking, “This woman MUST spy on us. She knows what’s going on as if she watched our family every night.” She gave us hope and taught us how to deal with the issue. She didn’t solve every problem and we still have challenging days, but it’s nothing, NOTHING like it was before.
We have a normal family life again, and I owe it all to her. Do you think I care about her fee? Hell, no. She gave me my family back. I would have sold everything I owned and still considered it a bargain. As a matter of fact, we have even paid for an initial session for several of our friends who were facing serious family struggles, all of whom have continued to work with her. Why? Because she is worth it! She delivers on what we needed and so much more.
Now if you called her an expert, she would probably laugh in your face. She doesn’t see herself as an expert, but she is. She is providing a service that is well worth her fee, and if you provide an excellent service, you should, too.
People are paying you to solve a problem
“But I’m not saving someone’s family. I’m just ___________ (fill in the blank). That’s different,” you say. Yes and no. Are you filling a real need? Are you going to solve a problem, a real, burning problem? Then let people pay you to solve a problem.
I teach enrichment language classes in preschools. I’m not saving someone’s family, but I do solve a problem for parents who know that learning a language is easiest and most effective during the preschool years. I also use a method that is tremendously more effective than most preschool language classes. And I provide lessons at the child’s preschool, so parents don’t have to schlep their child somewhere in the few precious evening hours they have together. I provide a real service, and I charge for it. If I don’t make at least $50 per 30-minute class (I often have multiple students in each class), then I don’t do it.
When I focus on solving problems for my clients, it gets easier for me to charge what I’m worth. Now, please realize, that I always make sure I’m providing value for clients that exceeds my price (more on that in another post), but I don’t get the guilties when I see it from their point of view. They have a problem. They need a solution. They will be happy – thrilled, even – if I solve that problem for them, and if I’m really making their lives better, then I deserve to make money for my skills, for my investment, for my abilities. If they could do it for themselves, maybe they would. But they don’t have the expertise/product that I do. And I’m going to save them time, or money, or frustration. I’m helping them. And for that, they pay me.
Your Turn
It’s pretty rare that I assign exercises, but this time I’m going to. If you provide a service or product, spend 5-10 minutes thinking about what problem you solve for your customers. Why would someone want what you have? There’s got to be a pain there, a fear, a worry. What is that? Now, how do you solve that problem for them? Write it down, and then ask yourself this question: what would you pay for someone to solve that problem FOR you in the way that YOU solve it?
Do you sell make-up? What problem is the make-up solving? Well, it depends on the customer. You’re solving very different problems for a 22-year-old and 65-year-old. For a 22-year-old, you might be helping her look professional, so she feels more at ease in her job. You might be helping her feel beautiful at a party. For a 65-year-old, you might be helping her feel like she used to feel. You might be helping her see those rosy cheeks that she used to have. Now, what would you be willing to pay to feel beautiful? What would you pay to see yourself as you looked 10 years ago? That’s a very different price than what you’d pay for make-up.
Please, if you have trouble charging what you’re worth, complete this exercise. Write it down. Don’t just do it in your head. Thoughts become more powerful, more real when we write them down. Good luck!