I do NOT want to write about this topic. Although I’m a firm believer in having a will, I hate the thought that my readers feel it necessary to prepare their wills before returning to school. I am going to encourage every worker to look at every possible option before returning to a job where you feel this is necessary. OSHA, mental health leave of absence with a letter from your doctor, FMLA, sabbatical to pursue education. Pull out your contract and actually read it to see what your rights are. To paraphrase Dylan Thomas, “Do NOT go gentle into that good school.”
With that said, having a will is essential if you have children, a partner, or just want to be able to decide where you assets go should anything happen to you. So whether or not you return to an unsafe situation, this is the 2nd best time to get a will in place. (If you are wondering when the absolute best time to draw up a will is, the answer is “Yesterday”. Since that’s not an option, let’s go with today.)
Please note, I am NOT a lawyer, and wills are state-specific. You must verify this information, but sometimes just having a starting place makes things a bit less scary. That is what this article is for, not for being the only resource you need to consult.
First of all, why is making a will important? If you die without a will (or intestate, as it is called in lawyer-ese) the courts will decide who receives not only your possessions, but also who will have custody of your children. I don’t know about you, but I absolutely want a say in who would raise my children. That is why about 5 years ago, we buckled down and updated our wills.
Options for making a will
You can have a lawyer craft a will, but unless you have an extremely complex will or a high net worth (like over $1 million), many people use an online template or software. NOLO and Legal Zoom are options for a simple DIY will. NOLO’s online will can be purchased for $59.99 and used to craft multiple wills. It is rated 4.3 out of 5 and reviewers say it is “detailed” and “easy to use.”
Legal Zoom is another option. On one site I checked, it was rated 3.5 and on another 4.5. They have three levels: Basic will $89, comprehensive will $99, and $179 for the estate plan bundle.
There is no set price for a lawyer to create your will. It will depend on location, choice of lawyer, and complexity of your estate. When we had our will done in small town Indiana about 5 years ago, it cost about $500.
Whether you choose an online will or a lawyer, you will be guided through the steps so you don’t forget anything major. I definitely do NOT recommend just writing one up for your self. That, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.
Some things you should probably start thinking about (if you haven’t already) is who you want to be your executor (the person who will execute – or carry out – your wishes after your death) and who you want to be the guardian of any underage children.
Think about the children
Of course, you are going to need to talk about this with your partner. Be prepared because this can obviously be a touchy subject. Don’t just settle on your closest family member without considering other issues. For example, who is best capable of caring for your kids? Who do you trust to raise your kids with values similar to yours? Who just makes you feel “good” when you think of how they would care for your children?
If you are hesitating between a couple of possibilities, think about what would cause the least disruption for your kids. For example, if they would have to move to another school or state, it could add to the trauma of an already tragic situation. Finally, this is not the time to worry about hurting someone’s feelings. Make your choice based on what is best for your child(ren), not on who believes they should be the guardian.
As for us, because of age, health, and differences in priorities, we felt comfortable with only one of our family members being named as a guardian. But we also asked some dear friends if they would be our ‘back-up’ plan if that person were unable to be a guardian for any reason. These are people who also have experience with adoption (we have one adopted and two biological children) as well as very similar values to us. While we chose a family member as our first choice, we definitely felt comfortable with the idea of our dear friends caring for and loving our children.
What is a trust and why you might want one
If you have minor children, you may also consider a trust and a trustee. A trust is an arrangement that allows a third party (the trustee) to hold assets on behalf of and for the benefit of a beneficiary.
If you don’t create a trust, it may very well be the courts, and not the guardian you have chosen, who controls your assets, even if you leave them to your children. Even worse, in most cases your child will receive control of those assets when they turn 18. I don’t know many parents who would trust an 18 year old with 100% control of their inheritance.
I have two horror stories here to help you understand just how important this is.
One of my students was devastated when he lost his father during his senior year. When he turned 18, he swiftly bought a brand-new muscle car with some of his father’s life insurance money, which he received as part of the estate. He sold it shortly afterward, losing thousands of dollars and also berating himself for having made a poor decision. Later, he told me that he bought it because he thought it would make him feel better, but it didn’t. He just wanted his father back.
Another family friend lost one parent as a child. At age 18, he received access to his entire inheritance. Unfortunately, he spent years pouring tens of thousands of those dollars into a substance addiction. He was a young man with access to a LOT of money, and his surviving parent could do nothing to stop him from using it as he wished. No parent would ever give his child access to that kind of money if he knew they would use it to harm themselves. Unfortunately, things change during the course of years, and grief can cause even the most reliable and level-headed child to make bad choices.
According to Monroe, Wallace, and Morden, there are other complications, as well. “A court guardianship also imposes numerous restrictions on the guardian’s use of the children’s inheritance. Every expense must be documented, audited and approved by the court. The guardian must file regular accountings and post a bond with the court. And because the court must do its best to treat all of the children equally under the law, it is difficult to make exceptions for each child’s special and unique needs.”
I am not a lawyer and can’t tell you if your specific situation warrants the extra expense of a trust. However, it is imperative that you know it exists so you can do further research.
In some states, the trust (or trust component) can be included in the will. Again, check on the laws specific to your state.
Note:
My husband and I have a trust for our children specifying under what circumstances they can receive their inheritance. We set the age MUCH higher than 18 because we wanted our kids to mature before receiving it. However, the trustee has the power to pay for schooling and other expenses he deems prudent. Also, in our case, the trustee is not the guardian of the children, simply because we didn’t want to add one more thing to their responsibilities. We named a separate trustee. Again, this is merely what worked for us.
Other documents
Once you have a will sorted out, you may want to think about a living will, proxy, and DNR. However, we will tackle that in an upcoming post. End of life decisions are highly emotional, and the last thing we want is to give you too much info and have you completely shut down. We’ll get there, but not today.
Take a deep breath, and give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling right now. It is not uncommon to be inexplicably exhausted when you start thinking about such emotional topics. I have linked some additional info below, if you want it. But if your head is already swimming, don’t do that right now. Give yourself a bit of time if you need it.
Most importantly, remember. I believe in you. You’ve got this!
Further resources
Dave Ramsey’s How to Make a Will